On the mend
I slept pretty much all day and all evening, getting up for just an hour or so here and there. Copoius amount of sleep must have been what I needed, because I'm definitely getting better. My vision is still blurry in my left eye, but I can see out of it now, and it's not all swollen and bloodshot any more. It's still a bit sore, but nothing compared to before. Thank goodness, because this has been a really horrible experience.
There are a couple of things I can say about myself:
First, I have a very high pain threshhold. I mean, I can tolerate quite a bit of pain. The pre-op nurse who took care of me before my last hand surgery mentioned that she has noticed that her RA patients have a whole different mindset when it comes to pain, and things most people would ocmplain about don't even make us flinch. I tend to have sort of a Zen-like mindset about pain. So, anyway, for me to even go to the emergency room, the pain has to be quite severe. And for me to wake up at night whimpering in pain like a wounded animal -- well, you know it has to be really, really bad.
Second, I never cry in front of other people. If I must cry, I will shut myself up in a room by myself. I hate to cry in front of anyone, ever. Well, yesterday when I got to work a little after noon, with my eye swollen shut, feeling like I was going to die if the pain didn't go away, one of my co-workers came over to ask how I was doing, and I tried to answer her, but burst into tears. That is something I just don't do. I caught myself pretty quickly and turned off the waterworks, but still. I was really embarrassed.
Anyway, that is how bad this thing was. I hope to never have a migraine of this magnitude again for as long as I live.
There are a couple of things I can say about myself:
First, I have a very high pain threshhold. I mean, I can tolerate quite a bit of pain. The pre-op nurse who took care of me before my last hand surgery mentioned that she has noticed that her RA patients have a whole different mindset when it comes to pain, and things most people would ocmplain about don't even make us flinch. I tend to have sort of a Zen-like mindset about pain. So, anyway, for me to even go to the emergency room, the pain has to be quite severe. And for me to wake up at night whimpering in pain like a wounded animal -- well, you know it has to be really, really bad.
Second, I never cry in front of other people. If I must cry, I will shut myself up in a room by myself. I hate to cry in front of anyone, ever. Well, yesterday when I got to work a little after noon, with my eye swollen shut, feeling like I was going to die if the pain didn't go away, one of my co-workers came over to ask how I was doing, and I tried to answer her, but burst into tears. That is something I just don't do. I caught myself pretty quickly and turned off the waterworks, but still. I was really embarrassed.
Anyway, that is how bad this thing was. I hope to never have a migraine of this magnitude again for as long as I live.
posted by Catherine at 1:39 AM
7 Comments:
I'm so glad you are on the mend, because I was really starting to worry about you. A couple more days of rest and you should be better, right?
I actually worry about having such a high threshold to pain. After I dealt with my two pain episodes in the hospital, I know that other pains have to be much higher for me to really worry about them. I always wonder when I fall if I'm going to break something and just not notice it. I know I have broken a number of toes by kicking things and it just doesn't seem to bother me.
Do you ever worry about it? That maybe your threshold is so high that maybe there is a lot of pain in your body that just unconsciously suppress it?
I've also found that the extreme pain can almost be a spiritual experience, in an Eastern religion/philosophy sort of way. Like the 'Zen' that you called it. Strangely enough, I can still remember exactly what my episodes felt like, even though almost 2 months have passed and I meditate on those feelings. Do you ever look back at some of your worst episodes and wonder how you survived it, or do you just try to forget them?
I do look back on some of my worst pain episodes and wonder how in the world I survived them. The pain I had during the months just before and just after I was diagnosed with RA was just out of this world. I can't even desribe it, but I can still remember how it felt. It was unreal. I think that is when I developed my Zen-like pain attitude. My first TMJ episode (whidh was actually caused by the RA, but I didn't know it at the time, since it happened a year or two before I was diagnosed) was like that, too. I actually thought I was going to die that day. I had no idea what was wrong with me, but the pain was unbearable.
I don't worry too much about my high pain threshhold, at least not yet. I think I'd still notice if I broke a bone; it just wouldn't bother me as much as it would bother most people. I am guessing that your pain threshhold is probably much higher than mine, though. I think you've been through a lot worse pain than I have. I'm probably a weenie compared to you. :)
There is no way that I've had more pain than you, since you've been dealing with this much longer than I have. And you seem to have pain in more different places that I do.
I find when I do something to cause pain, the pain is almost instantanious and then goes away. Either that, or I just may not feel it. I almost feel like a cartoon character.
I do know that if I stop taking my daily pain meds I will not be able to move. Every-so-often, I stop taking everything just to remind myself that there is a reason why they call me disabled, you know?
When you have pain, what kind is it? Is it sharp or dull? Does it burn or get cold? Is it in one spot or does it travel?
My RA pain is usually concentrated in specific joints, but tends to radiate down the affected limb. It's usually very sharp and bone-deep, and searing. It gets worse any time the affected joint is moved or used.
Katia!
I sooo hope that you are feeling better. I'm sorry you've been through such a rough period.
Achilles and the kitty had better be taking good care of you!!!
**BIG**hugs
Thanks, Rummms! I am back at work today and feeling mostly better. My vision is still a bit blurry and my eye is still a bit swollen, but aside from that, I'm back to normal. Achilles and the kitties snuggled up in bed with me pretty much the entire weekend. :)
**hugs**
Your pain sounds a lot like one of the types of pain I have, except mine follows nerve paths and not bones. I guess the difference is that mine doesn't last as long as yours.
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