Regarding chronic pain
Lately I've been reading a lot of blog posts written by others who suffer from some sort of chronic pain or disability, and one thing I've noticed is that a lot of them seem very angry and bitter about it. Another thing I've noticed is that this really bothers me. I know that everyone deals with adversity in his or her own way, and it's not my place to tell someone else who suffers from chronic pain that they're doing it wrong, but all of the anger and bitterness and negativity really bothers me nonetheless.
So I've been giving it some thought. I have never felt angry or bitter about having RA and fibromyalgia or about the increasingly severe chronic pain they cause me. From the beginning, I pretty much just accepted it like, "Well, okay. This is how it is now." I'm certainly not happy about it, but I'm also not angry. At whom would I even be angry? And what would that get me? What would be the point? Would it make the pain go away?
Do I wish that I weren't in pain all the time? Of course, especially when it is particularly severe. But it is now a fact of my life. I can't make it go away, and I can't stop living my life. Yes, it is often extremely painful and difficult for me to do things most people take for granted -- standing up, walking, sitting back down, getting dressed, getting undressed, showering, caring for my pets, opening a door, turning a faucet on or off, going up or down stairs, etc. But I have to do these things, so I just do them. I do them slowly and with a great deal of effort when the pain is severe, and sometimes I get a bit frustrated and sometimes I cry, but that is just the way it is. Being in pain has become my new "normal." It's not easy, and it is exhausting, but it is my life.
And that, I think, is what bothers me when I see people with similar difficulties become angry and bitter. It's like they're saying that their lives -- and, therefore, my life -- are somehow less worth living than the lives of people without chronic pain. My life is worth living, and while it comes with its own set of difficulties, I am still going to enjoy it as much as I possibly can. Sitting around being angry and feeling sorry for myself just isn't an option for me.
So I've been giving it some thought. I have never felt angry or bitter about having RA and fibromyalgia or about the increasingly severe chronic pain they cause me. From the beginning, I pretty much just accepted it like, "Well, okay. This is how it is now." I'm certainly not happy about it, but I'm also not angry. At whom would I even be angry? And what would that get me? What would be the point? Would it make the pain go away?
Do I wish that I weren't in pain all the time? Of course, especially when it is particularly severe. But it is now a fact of my life. I can't make it go away, and I can't stop living my life. Yes, it is often extremely painful and difficult for me to do things most people take for granted -- standing up, walking, sitting back down, getting dressed, getting undressed, showering, caring for my pets, opening a door, turning a faucet on or off, going up or down stairs, etc. But I have to do these things, so I just do them. I do them slowly and with a great deal of effort when the pain is severe, and sometimes I get a bit frustrated and sometimes I cry, but that is just the way it is. Being in pain has become my new "normal." It's not easy, and it is exhausting, but it is my life.
And that, I think, is what bothers me when I see people with similar difficulties become angry and bitter. It's like they're saying that their lives -- and, therefore, my life -- are somehow less worth living than the lives of people without chronic pain. My life is worth living, and while it comes with its own set of difficulties, I am still going to enjoy it as much as I possibly can. Sitting around being angry and feeling sorry for myself just isn't an option for me.
posted by Catherine at 9:56 PM
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