Ugh.

The good news is that the Kenalog injection seems to have significantly improved my paintastic flare-up. I'm still in some pain, but it's much, much better. The bad news is that it's made me feel super duper sick to my stomach.

Contrary to the expected side effect of increased appetite and weight gain, I have been incredibly nauseated and can't even stand to smell food without feeling the need to run to the bathroom and throw up. I'm not sure this is much of an improvement overall, but at least I can move. And, um, maybe I won't have to worry about holiday weight gain? I'm trying to look on the positive side, so I'll go with that.

RA Update

Well, we tried Humira for four months and it didn't work any better than the Enbrel did (i.e. mainly not at all). Last night was absolutely the most painful night I've ever passed to date. I mean, indescribably paintacular. Never mind getting up and walking; moving at all was a festival of pain. Fortunately, I had a follow-up appointment with my rheumatologist this morning.

He took one look at my grapefruit-sized right knee, swollen hands and wrists, and extremely tender feet and shoulders and decided that we are going to give up on the Humira and switch to Orencia. The downside is that Orencia is available only by IV infusion at the doctor's office, so I'll have to go in for an infusion every two weeks at first and then every four weeks. I should get my first infusion the first week of January (we have to wait two weeks after my last Humira injection, which was two days ago).

He also talked me into getting a Kenalog injection this morning. He's been trying to convince me to go on Prednisone for awhile until we find the right biologic for my RA, but I keep refusing because I don't like the side effects of corticosteroids. He assured me this morning that an injection would minimize any side effects, and I was in so much pain that I finally caved in. Allegedly this will have me feeling much better in a day or two. Although if I'm supposed to be noticing any difference by now, it's not working. My knee still looks like a grapefruit and my left wrist has blown up like a balloon this evening and is making typing quite difficult and painful.

Anyway, I'm a little bit excited about switching to Orencia because it's an entirely different type of drug, so I'm hopeful it will work. If I could cross my fingers right now, I would.

Chris Daughtry - O Holy Night

GoD and DoG

Very cute video:


GoD, DoG

DocSue Chinese Cresteds | MySpace Video

Achilles and the Fed Ex man

Achilles has a very special hatred for the Fed Ex and UPS men. He is not fond of large trucks; in fact, if we are passed by a large, noisy truck when we are out walking, he will usually turn around and try to bolt for home and I have to cajole him into finishing the walk.

Whenever we get a delivery at the house, he goes into a wild frenzy of barking. His Fed Ex/UPS bark is louder than just about anything I've ever heard.

Well, this morning on our walk, Achilles came face to face with his arch nemesis. The Fed Ex truck was trying to turn a corner just as we were approaching it. The truck stopped in mid-turn and the driver leaned towards us. I thought he was going to ask me something, but instead, he tossed a Milkbone out the door. Achilles was in mid-bark when the Milkbone landed in front of him on the sidewalk and the driver waved and took off.

I picked up the treat and offered it to him, saying, "Look! He gave you a cookie! Wasn't that nice of him?" Achilles sniffed at the cookie and then turned his nose up, refusing it, so I put it in my pocket until we got home and then offered it to him again. He immediately grabbed it and ran upstairs with it to eat it (which is what he does any time he gets a treat that he really likes). I suspect he just didn't want to give the Fed Ex man the satisfaction of seeing him eat his peace offering.

Regarding chronic pain

Lately I've been reading a lot of blog posts written by others who suffer from some sort of chronic pain or disability, and one thing I've noticed is that a lot of them seem very angry and bitter about it. Another thing I've noticed is that this really bothers me. I know that everyone deals with adversity in his or her own way, and it's not my place to tell someone else who suffers from chronic pain that they're doing it wrong, but all of the anger and bitterness and negativity really bothers me nonetheless.

So I've been giving it some thought. I have never felt angry or bitter about having RA and fibromyalgia or about the increasingly severe chronic pain they cause me. From the beginning, I pretty much just accepted it like, "Well, okay. This is how it is now." I'm certainly not happy about it, but I'm also not angry. At whom would I even be angry? And what would that get me? What would be the point? Would it make the pain go away?

Do I wish that I weren't in pain all the time? Of course, especially when it is particularly severe. But it is now a fact of my life. I can't make it go away, and I can't stop living my life. Yes, it is often extremely painful and difficult for me to do things most people take for granted -- standing up, walking, sitting back down, getting dressed, getting undressed, showering, caring for my pets, opening a door, turning a faucet on or off, going up or down stairs, etc. But I have to do these things, so I just do them. I do them slowly and with a great deal of effort when the pain is severe, and sometimes I get a bit frustrated and sometimes I cry, but that is just the way it is. Being in pain has become my new "normal." It's not easy, and it is exhausting, but it is my life.

And that, I think, is what bothers me when I see people with similar difficulties become angry and bitter. It's like they're saying that their lives -- and, therefore, my life -- are somehow less worth living than the lives of people without chronic pain. My life is worth living, and while it comes with its own set of difficulties, I am still going to enjoy it as much as I possibly can. Sitting around being angry and feeling sorry for myself just isn't an option for me.