I survived.

Okay, okay. The day-long meeting wasn't nearly as bad as I'd feared, and I found out it happens only once per year (at least, that particular meeting happens only once per year -- there may be others I don't know about yet). It really wasn't a bad day. There were two partners, two associates, me, and a girl from the marketing department in attendance, and while it wasn't particularly exciting, it also wasn't nearly as annoying as those Motorola meetings I used to be forced to attend.

It is going to make for a hectic and stressful Monday, though, since I didn't get any actual work done yesterday.

Oh well, at least I have the weekend to relax. Oh, and I got my first paycheck yesterday, which helps to make it all worthwhile.

Corporate Hell

The new job is definitely getting better. I'm not nearly as freaked out and stressed out as I was the first couple of weeks. I still need another month or two before I'll feel totally comfortable there, but I can now see the light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak.

However.

One of the things I hated most about my job at Motorola years ago was the ridiculous number of pointless meetings I had to attend. And I had to attend a lot of them. Long, boring, stupid, mind-numbing meetings. I'd be sitting in some conference room, listening to some corporate douchebag drone on about nothing, and I'd be thinking about all of the actual work I could be doing if I weren't trapped in said conference room with a bunch of jagoffs. The longer the meeting would drag on, the more anxious I'd feel, and I'd start to contemplate the pros and cons of jamming my pen into my own eyeball.

One of the things I loved most when I started working in the legal field was the absolute lack of meetings. It was bliss. Bliss, I tell you.

Well.

Tomorrow, I have to attend some stupid all-day meeting with the firm's entire appellate section at some fancy hotel. I don't know how often they do these things (hopefully not very), but apparently it is a long and boring day full of discussions about marketing strategies, advertising, goals for the section, etc. I have no idea why my attendance is necessary, but I have been commanded to attend. I also don't have any idea why this shit needs to take up an ENTIRE DAY. People who organize day-long meetings should be flogged in the street.

God, I hate meetings.

But at least they're not making me fly to Miami. :)

Well, no wonder.

You know how I will periodically complain about my right shoulder flaring up and becoming incredibly painful?

I had an appointment with Dr. P, my rheumatologist this morning, and I mentioned (for the second visit in a row) that my shoulder has been bothering me such that on some days, I can barely move or use my arm at all. Rather than send me for an MRI, they opted to inject my shoulder with cortisone to see if that helps. Hopefully, it will -- I'd much rather have a periodic cortisone injection than an MRI and shoulder surgery. But I digress.

Dr. P's PA gave me the injection under Dr. P's supervision, because she hasn't injected many shoulders and she wanted to make sure she did it correctly. I must say, I couldn't tell that she was inexperienced at it, because despite the fact that the needle was enormous and I was terrified at the sight of it (and I am not one to freak out at the sight of a needle), I barely felt a thing. But I digress some more.

Dr. P poked around on my shoulder for awhile to find the best spot to inject it, and it turns out that my shoulder is built all wrong, which helps to explain why it hurts so much. The RA is only part of it -- the rest of the pain is apparently due to the fact that my shoulder just isn't put together right. Dr. P was poking around on it and kept saying stuff to his PA like, "Huh. This is very unusual. You feel this right here? It's supposed to be back over here. No wonder she has a lot of shoulder pain."

Anyhoo, the upshot was that they couldn't even inject it in the spot where they normally would have (in the front of the shoulder). They had to inject it from the back. Fortunately, my small size made it easier for them to do it that way than it would have been if I were larger. As Dr. P noted, "She's really skinny, so you can feel exactly where to put the needle. That makes it a lot easier on us and a lot less painful for her." Woohoo!

So, it seems that I am a really skinny freak with an alien shoulder. I swear, nothing about me can ever be normal. But the good news is that the injection didn't hurt, and my shoulder isn't too terribly sore this evening -- they warned me that it might be very sore for a day or two, but it's only a wee bit tender. With any luck, the cortisone will keep my shoulder from flaring up for at least a few months.

An eerily accurate online test

(Thanks to the gorgeous and witty Buzzy for the link!)

The Oracle 33% Extroversion, 100% Intuition, 44% Emotiveness, 90% Perceptiveness

Heuristic, detached, and analytical to a fualt, you are most like The Oracle. You are able to tackle any subject with a fine toothed comb, and you possess an ability to pinpoint nuances and shades of meaning that other people do not have and cannot understand. Accomplishment and realization of ideas are, for you, secondary to the rigorous exploration of ideas and questions -- you are, first and foremost, a theorist. You hate authority, convention, tradition, and under no circumstances do you accept a leadership role (although, you will gladly advise leadership when they're going astray, whether they want you to or not). Abstraction and generalities are your interests, details and particulars are usually inconsequential and uninteresting. You excel at language, mathematics and philosophy. You are typically easy-going and non-confrontational until someone violates one of the very few principles that you deem sacred, at which point you can fly into a rage. Although you possess a much greater understanding of process and systems than the people around you, you are always conscious of the possibility that you've missed something or made a mistake. You don't tend to become attached to particular theories, and will immediately discard mistaken notions once they're revealed to be incorrect (but you don't tolerate iconoclasts who try to discredit validated theories through the use of fallacies and bad data). Despite being outwardly humble, you probably think of yourself as being smarter than most other people. That's because you are. In fact, in your dealings with people your understanding of their motives is so expansive that you know what they're going to say before they say it, and in world affairs, you usually know what is going to take place before it actually does. This ability would make you unbeatable in debates if only you were a little less pensive about your own conclusions, and a little more outgoing. Famous people like you: Albert Einstein, Charles Darwin, Adam Smith, Thomas Jefferson, John McWhorter, Ramanujan, Marie Curie, Kurt Godel Stay clear of: Apollo, Icarus, Hermes, Aphrodite Seek out: Atlas, Prometheus, Daedalus

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 99% on Extroversion You scored higher than 99% on Intuition You scored higher than 99% on Emotiveness You scored higher than 99% on Perceptiveness

Link: The Greek Mythology Personality Test written by Aleph_Nine on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

My life is like a cult classic movie

Sweet!

The Movie Of Your Life Is A Cult Classic

Quirky, offbeat, and even a little campy - your life appeals to a select few. But if someone's obsessed with you, look out! Your fans are downright freaky. Your best movie matches: Office Space, Showgirls, The Big Lebowski

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

Weekends mean something again!

After two and a half months of unemployment, where any given day was pretty much the same as every other day, I am learning to appreciate the weekends again!

As I said last week, I woke up last Saturday in sort of a panic, stressing about the new job. Today -- not so much. All three of my attorneys made it very clear to me this past week that they think I'm doing great, and they're happy to have me working for them. I'm settling in and starting to feel comfortable. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. :)

I'm also feeling totally exhausted, even though I got to sleep late today. Last night after work, I had an appointment at the hair salon, and I almost fell asleep while D. was shampooing my hair. By the time I got home, I was so tired I could barely sit upright on the sofa. I kept sort of slowly leaning over til I was practically lying down. I think after another couple of weeks I'll adjust to being back on a work schedule, though. It's kind of like starting school in the fall after a three-month summer vacation. Your body just needs time to adjust to the schedule change.

So, despite a couple of weeks of anxiety and whining, it's all good, and I'm feeling very fortunate to be gainfully employed again. I'll feel even more fortunate on Friday when I get my first paycheck. Woohooooo!

Okay, today really did suck.

But tomorrow should be much better.

Today, one of my new bosses dragged me along to a luncheon for one of the Bar groups he belongs to. He signed up to organize five of these damn things -- one every other month -- and this was the first. The associate attorney and I were tasked with getting everyone signed in, handing out nametags, collecting money, etc. It made for a very hectic and stressful day. Since it was the first time any of us had done this, none of us knew what we were doing. Hopefully the next four will go more smoothly, and then we won't have to do any more of these things.

My other boss had a crapload of work for me to do today, so being out of the office for three hours for this luncheon was not a good thing. I ended up staying late to get everything done.

On a positive note, all three attorneys made a point of asking me today how I'm doing, if I like the job, etc., and they all told me that they think I'm doing a great job and that they're glad they hired me. I told one of them that I was feeling a little bit stressed out, just because I'm new and I still need to familiarize myself with the cases, the office procedures, etc., but that I think I'll be just fine once that happens. She said something like, "But you're catching on so quickly and doing a great job! Why would you even feel like you're not?"

So, it's going to be okay, and hopefully soon this blog will be about more than me whining about being stressed over the new job. :)

Overwhelmed, but hanging in there

This week has been rough so far. While I'm grateful to be employed again, I'm still not entirely sure I'm going to like this particular job. There have been a couple of moments this week where I've thought, "Screw this. I need to keep looking for something else." Of course, even if I wanted to keep looking, there's no way I'd have the time.

The good news is, my new-job jitters seem to be dissipating a bit, and there have also been moments this week where I've thought that once I am settled in, I really will enjoy the job, or at least most parts of it. It's always stressful to start a new job, and this one is particularly stressful for me since I am very shy by nature and it's difficult for me to suddenly be thrust into this huge firm with so many people to deal with. So, since I recognize that, I'm going to stick it out. I'm starting to feel like I can handle it. Nerve-wracking as it's been, I still think I'm doing very well and that my new bosses are very impressed. I do have skills. :)

I'm really missing my blogging, posting, web-surfing, and personal emailing time, though. Even if I were allowed to do such things from work (which I'm not), I don't have a spare second during the workday to do so, anyway. That is a good thing in a way, because this job keeps me so busy that the days go by really quickly. I hate being bored at work, and this job is most definitely not boring.

I just have to keep telling myself that I'll settle in, and it'll be fine. It's just overwhelming at first. That's all. Right?

Week One Recap

I woke up Saturday morning in sort of a panic, stressing about the new job. I think it's just new-job jitters. Sometimes when I think about it, I feel like I'm going to do really well there and catch on quickly, but at other times, I start freaking out and wondering what I've gotten myself into. I hate being the new girl and having so much to learn. A lot of things will transfer from my previous experience, but I still have to become familiar with the cases I'll be working on and with all of the new rules, software, general office procedures (there's a form for everything!), etc. It seems overwhelming right now.

This job is very fast-paced compared to my previous one. Larger firms are all about cramming as many billable hours as possible into each day, whereas at my previous firm, my bosses were laid-back and were more concerned with having time to spend with their families than they were about working themselves to death.

One of the partners I'm working for is very high-strung and hyper. She's not mean or rude at all (just the opposite, in fact), just very, um, energetic. She seems very nice and told me several times this week that I'm doing a great job so far, and she really seems to like me. She is a hoot, from what I've seen of her so far. She's a very tiny woman, and I like her a lot, but I've never worked for anyone so high-energy and rapid-fire before, so it's going to be interesting. She is in the middle of trying to get the disclosure (including a mammoth witness list -- 32 pages as of our last revision on Friday) out on a huge case right now. It's due to go out tomorrow, and I think we're in good shape, so hopefully I'll have more time to breathe after we've gotten that out of the way.

The other partner seems much more laid-back, and I think once I've gotten familiar with the work he does, I'll really enjoy it. He does strictly appellate work, which I find very interesting, but I've worked on only a handful of appellate cases in the past, so I have a lot to learn. I'm also going to have to do a lot of work for him which I do not think I'm going to enjoy at all. He's on a lot of different State Bar committees, gives a lot of speeches, teaches a class at UT, organizes a lot of dinners, etc., and I'll have to do all of the leg-work like making reservations for banquet halls, making nametags for attendees, making guest lists and confirming attendance, etc. I hate that shit. It bores me to no end, and as I'm a very shy person, I get very stressed out about having to call people to confirm reservations, etc. Ugh. Anyway, he seems like a genuinely nice person and someone who will be great to work for, so hopefully I'll get used to dealing with the not-fun stuff and it won't take up too much of my time.

The associate attorney seems like the most laid-back of the three, and I think she'll be really easy to work for. She's very sweet and seems quite self-sufficient, so I don't think I'll be doing much grunt work for her. The biggest case she's working on right now is incredibly complex (an entire room full of discovery documents, with three temps combing through them) but also very interesting. I've never gotten to work on such complex, huge, high-profile cases in the past, so I'm really excited about the opportunities I'll have at this firm.

I'm still adjusting to being back at a full-time job. I got used to being at home every day and not having to be on a strict schedule, and I'm already missing having time to just relax, hang out with my pets, etc. Of course, that also got very boring after awhile, so I'm glad to have a job to go to again! It's just going to take some getting used to. I have to get up at 5:30 every morning and I don't get home til around 6:30 in the evening. Then I have just two or three hours to ride my bike, take care of my pets, do laundry, wash dishes, watch t.v., read, go online, or just relax before I have to go to bed between 9:00 and 10:00. I feel like I don't have time for anything but work during the week, and that's pretty stressful. It's like I don't even have time to breathe.

So, there are some really good things about this new job, but there are also some serious drawbacks. Hopefully I'll get into a groove before too long and the benefits will outweigh the costs. At least I managed to find some great new outfits at the mall yesterday, so if nothing else, I'll look good this week. :)

Wardrobe Malfunction

So, Firm B has rules. A lot of rules. A hundred-page employee handbook full of rules. It's reminiscent of my days at Motorola. Except Firm B is stuffier than Motorola. Especially when it comes to the dress code. Which is understandable, since they have to project a certain image. However, a lot of the clothes I wore at my previous job are not acceptable at Firm B. Capri pants, for example. I wear a lot of capri pants because, due to my height, full-length pants never fit me correctly. If I buy them in a regular length, they are so long I'm tripping over them, but if I buy them in a petite length, they are just a tad too short and look dorky. Capri pants work for me because, even though they're longer on me than they are on taller people, they still look like capri pants. But Firm B does not allow capri pants.

Anyway. I had to stop after work yesterday and buy a couple of pairs of pants because I only had four pairs of full-length trousers that fit me now that I've lost so much weight, and I was running out of things to wear to work. Now, I have a thing about trying clothes on in the store. I don't do it. So, I just grabbed a couple of pairs of size 4 pants, figuring they might be a little long, but should fit me otherwise.

I put one of them on this morning, and not only was it ridiculously long on me, but it was way too big in the waist and hips. I didn't have time to find something else to wear, so I ended up spending the entire day trying to hike my pants up every time I had to get up from my desk, and trying not to trip over the hems every time I took a step. I looked like a little girl playing dress-up with her mother's clothes. All I needed to complete the picture was some badly smeared red lipstick and a ridiculously long string of pearls.

Either they have started making clothes bigger, or I'm getting smaller even though my weight has been holding steady for the past few months, because size 4 usually fits me. I think our thin-obsessed culture is leading clothing manufacturers to change the way they size their clothing. What would have been labeled a size 6 or 8 a few years ago is now labeled a size 2 or 4. Size 0 clothes are a relatively new phenomenon, if I'm not mistaken, and I hear they are now even making a size 00. Is it because women want so badly to feel thin that the clothing manufacturers are trying to appease us by telling us we wear a smaller size than we really do? I am baffled.

Anyway, now I have to go to the mall tomorrow in search of some pants that fit. I guess I will have to resort to actually trying them on before I buy them.

More on the new job later in the weekend.

Never forget.

(Thanks to Elder of Ziyon for the photo.)

On the morning of September 11, 2001, I was running a bit late for work. When I got in the car, I turned on the radio and was momentarily confused by the frantic discussion on my usual morning talk show. It took me a couple of minutes to ascertain that an airplane had just crashed into the World Trade Center. Of course, at that time, they were discussing it as if it had been some sort of tragic accident.

As I entered the freeway, they announced, in complete shock, that a second plane had just hit the other tower. At that moment, I knew that it was no accident. I don't remember much about the rest of my drive to work, but I clearly remember that as I pulled into my space in the parking garage, they announced that there was smoke billowing out of the Pentagon.

I ran into the office and asked my boss if he'd been listening to the news. He said he'd heard before leaving for work that a plane had hit the WTC. I told him what had happened since then, and we rushed into the conference room and turned on the t.v.

I don't remember how long it was after that before the first tower began to crumble to the ground, but I do remember that as it happened, I was standing in front of the t.v. and could not believe my eyes. My mouth dropped open and the only thing I could utter was, "There are people in there!" My boss had tears in his eyes.

My other boss walked in just as the second tower was falling. I just looked at him, and he shook his head, muttered, "So sad," and went into his office.

The three of us spent pretty much the rest of the week watching the t.v. in the conference room.

As painful as it is for me and, no doubt, most of us, to remember 9/11, I cannot even imagine how painful it must be for those who lost loved ones that day. My heart goes out to them on this sad anniversary.

I, for one, will never forget.

Firm B is the winner!

Or, more to the point, I am the winner -- I got a new job!

I had my second interview with Firm B this morning, and less than three hours later, they called me with an offer, which I accepted. I start tomorrow!

I will be supporting three attorneys -- one partner who does strictly appellate work, one partner who does commercial litigation, and one associate who does whatever they tell her to do (LOL). The work sounds very interesting, and the people all seem really nice, with good senses of humor. Their offer was only 1K per year less than Firm A's offer, and I don't have to go to Miami or anywhere else!

It will probably take me awhile to get used to getting up early and going to work every day once again, but I'm really excited about it. Woohooooooooooooooo!

Firm A vs. Firm B

Firm A Pros

1. Small office environment -- would be just me and one attorney -- but with the benefits of working for a larger firm (good salary, bonuses, 401k, etc.). I love the two-person office environment. Peace and quiet, no annoying co-workers, and there also wouldn't be any clients coming into the office. None of their cases are local.

2. I really liked the attorney. She seems really cool, good sense of humor, has two dogs -- I think we'd get along very well.

3. Supporting only one attorney is a piece of cake.

Firm A Cons

1. The Miami trip. I know it's a one-time thing and probably doesn't seem like it should be a big deal, but I cannot emphasize enough how big of a sticking point it is for me.

2. Questionable job stability -- the downside of having only one attorney in the Austin office. If she suddenly has to move to another city or decides to join a different firm, I'm out on my ass again.

3. I didn't notice a kitchen or even a refrigerator or microwave when I was there. I'm gonna need a fridge at least, because I go through three or four beverages during a workday and I'll need a place to stash my bottled water, juice, and fraps. This may not be a huge issue -- I could always buy a mini fridge if the firm won't buy one for the office.

Firm B Pros

1. Firm B is much larger than Firm A (well over 100 attorneys, as opposed to Firm A's twenty), which could mean an even better salary, better benefits, and much better job stability. The person I'd be replacing worked there for twenty years.

2. I really liked the attorney who interviewed me today. In fact, I liked her just as much as I liked the attorney at Firm A. I think she'd be great to work for and that we'd get along swimmingly. I also liked the paralegal and the HR associate. Firm B seems like it would be a great place to work, despite the large office environment.

3. Larger firm means greater chance for advancement.

4. I really like the fact that they had me take those pre-interview tests. It shows that they really want to see what I can do before they make me an offer, as opposed to making their decision based on an awkward interview and a glance at my resume.

Firm B Cons

1. Working in a large firm means annoyances such as having to cover for others when they go on vacation or are out sick. Then again, it also means that others will be there to cover for me under those circumstances.

2. Supporting three attorneys is not a piece of cake. On the other hand, there's little chance of boredom, and I do tend to thrive in a fast-paced environment.

3. Large offices tend to be noisy, and extraneous noise really grates on my nerves. From what I saw of the office today, it seemed pretty quiet and tranquil, but I didn't get to see the area where I'd be working.

I'll probably add to the list throughout the weekend as I think of additional pros and cons, but that's a start. Oddly enough, these firms are both in the same building, so there are no differences in the pros and cons based on location.

Update:

I emailed my former boss about this dilemma, and he said he'd lean towards Firm B, which is what my gut is telling me to do, anyway.

Oh noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

I was afraid this was going to happen. After months of futile job-searching, I finally had a great interview this morning, and was told they'd call me back early next week to meet with the other attorney who was out of the office today, right? So, I'm really excited and pretty sure they're going to make me an offer.

Then, at about 4:00 this afternoon, I got a call from the staffing agency who set up that interview for me last week with the Miami-based firm (let's call that one Firm A). Firm A has made me an offer! And it's a good one!

BUT, there's a catch. If I take the job, I'll have to fly to Miami for training.

I don't WANT to fly to Miami. Most people would probably jump at the chance for a free trip to Miami, especially in combination with a good job offer. But I am not most people. I hate to fly. I have never flown anywhere by myself, and the very thought terrifies me. I don't want to fly alone to a strange city, stay in a hotel by myself, and god forbid I'd have to rent a car and try to find my way around. I don't even like driving in my own town if I'm going someplace I've never been to before. I'm having an anxiety attack just thinking about this Miami trip.

I told the staffing agency guy that I'd have to think about it over the weekend, and I also told him about my interview today and let him know that I want to see if that firm is also going to make me an offer before I decide anything. He asked me to call him first thing Monday morning.

Then, at around 5:00, I got a call from the firm I interviewed with this morning (we'll call it Firm B), asking me to come back in on Monday at 10:00 to meet with that second attorney. So, they're moving really fast on this, which means they really like me and are probably also going to make me an offer.

THEN, at around 6:00, a chick from the staffing agency called me and said, "Hey, I know you want the weekend to think it over, but Firm A is REALLY interested in you, and they're really hoping that you'll accept their offer, so I just wanted to check in and see if you're any closer to making a decision yet." I told her that Firm B had called me for a second interview and that I'll call her on Monday after the interview to let her know if it looks like they're going to make me an offer. She asked if I was leaning one way or the other, and I told her I'm leaning towards Firm B because I don't want to go to Miami. She thought I was nuts, but agreed to wait til after my interview on Monday to hear from me.

I hate being in this position. I know it's perfectly normal and acceptable to want to consider all offers when job-hunting, but my natural inclination is to want to please everybody, and I hate that I'll have to turn down one of these offers. I shouldn't feel guilty about it, but I do.

I'm going to come up with a list of pros and cons for each firm and post them next. Feedback and suggestions from my readers (all five of you) would be appreciated!

I'm back!

My appointment this morning went far better than I'd imagined. The HR assistant had told me on the phone yesterday that it would just entail a few tests, and I'd be called back for an interview if I did well enough. Well, I kicked ass on all three tests. I had no idea what to expect because I've never had to do any of this pre-interview testing before. I headed to the appointment this morning figuring it was going to be a complete waste of time because I didn't think I'd do very well. I didn't even know my typing speed, as I've never had it tested before.

Apparently, I type 74 wpm with 98% accuracy. Woohoo! I scored a 92 on the proofreading test, and was kicking myself because I should have scored 100. On the legal terminology test, I missed three out of 75 questions. The HR lady was so impressed that she ushered me into a conference room immediately for an interview, and...

I did really well in the interview!! For the first time since I started job-hunting, I did not leave the interview feeling like a loser and kicking myself for doing poorly. I met with a paralegal and one of the three attorneys I'd be working for, and they loved me! They raved about my test scores ("stratospheric," according to the attorney) and my resume. The attorney really seemed to want to hire me on the spot, but I will have to meet with one of the other attorneys, who was out of the office today, before they make a decision. I think I'm going to get this one, though! The paralegal told me as I was leaving that they will call me early next week.

While I was in the interview, I got a voicemail from another firm, which I sent my resume to just yesterday, asking me to come in for an interview next Thursday. So, things are looking up all the way around.

In other news, my shoulder feels better than it did yesterday. It's still pretty sore and I have to be careful how I move my arm, but it seems to be improving.

All in all, a very good day so far. The only bad news is that I'm in the beginning phase of what is looking to be a very nasty migraine -- the first one I've had in nearly a year (which is good news in itself, since for the previous couple of years I was getting them every few months or so). I can deal with that, though. I've got no plans for the weekend, so I'll just sleep it off.

Stupid RA. Stupid shoulder.

Perhaps my uneasy feeling from the other night was just a precursor to pain. My old nemesis, my right shoulder, started to flare up with a vengeance last night. It's been a bit tender for several months, but now it's in full-blown flare-up mode, such that I can barely use my right arm. So, no bike ride again today. Even though it's just my shoulder, I tried getting on the bike and the position in which I have to hold my arms to grip the handlebars is just not feasible today. I could try riding without holding the handlebars, but I just don't feel like it. Dammit. Maybe tomorrow.

I do have some good news today, though. I got a call this morning from one of the firms I've applied with, and have an appointment tomorrow morning for some pre-interview testing (typing, proofreading, and legal terminology). Assuming I do well enough on the tests, I'll be called for an interview. This is just for a legal secretary job, which I'm probably overqualified for, but it is with a very large firm, so the pay and benefits would be good, and I imagine if I started there as a legal secretary, they'd quickly realize they were underutilizing me and I'd be able to advance to a paralegal position before long. Heck, at this point, I'm not going to be overly picky. I just want a freaking job. If it's with a large, stable firm and pays well, I'll take it.

I've got a feeling...

Do you ever get a really uneasy feeling for no apparent reason? I've got one tonight. I felt this way last Monday night, but I knew why -- I was nervous about the interview I had scheduled for the following day. I felt kind of on edge, I felt like my heart was beating faster than usual, I had trouble sleeping, I was jumpy, etc. But I knew why, so it didn't bother me much.

It really bothers me when I get this sort of feeling but there is no apparent reason for it. Today was uneventful -- I rode my bike, I ran some errands, I made risotto for dinner, I watched some t.v. Then, around 8:45 or so, I started feeling jumpy and nervous and just generally uneasy.

The last time I can remember feeling this way for no reason was a Friday night -- February 11, 2000, to be exact. I was tired. I'd worked all week, and gone out for happy hour that evening after work -- a farewell gathering for one of the attorneys who was leaving for another firm. I got home around ten p.m. and spent the next six hours finding little things to do to keep me from going to bed, even though I was exhausted. I kept going upstairs to get ready for bed, but for some reason, I couldn't make myself do it. I went upstairs, stood in the bedroom for a few moments, and then wandered back downstairs, repeatedly. Finally, at around four a.m., I brushed my teeth and put on some pajamas, and was about to get in bed when the phone rang. It was my mother, calling to let me know that my brother was in the emergency room. He died about eight hours later.

So, needless to say, random uneasiness really bothers me. I'm fighting the urge to call everyone I know and ask if they're okay.

Cat rides again

I finally got back on the bike today after a four-day break due to illness. Ordinarily, I ride for 35-45 minutes and go a minimum of ten miles, usually twelve or more. Today, by the time I hit six miles, I didn't think I could go any further. I was exhausted and feeling kind of nauseous. However, I realized that if I slowed down from my usual 17-18 mph speed to about 13 or 14 mph, I could keep going. Whew! I went for 35 minutes and only did about nine miles, but I guess that's not bad after several days of inactivity.

Some kinda bug

I seem to have picked up some sort of flu bug or something. I'm not sure where I might have picked it up, since I haven't been leaving the house much lately. Maybe at the movies or the grocery store or PetCo last weekend, or maybe at my interview on Tuesday.

Anyway, when I finished stretching after my bike ride on Thursday, I felt very light-headed and just assumed I'd overdone it on the bike. However, by the time evening rolled around, I realized that my throat was very sore. Sure enough, I woke up yesterday with a fever and have not felt quite right since. It's not too bad of a bug, apparently, which is good -- I just feel kind of icky and woozy and tired. I don't have much of an appetite, but oddly enough, I'm craving Taco Bell. You'd think I'd be craving soup or something, but no. I want a bean burrito and some nachos. Weird. I never crave Taco Bell when I'm healthy, but I may have to make a run for the border this evening. Too bad they don't deliver.

The guy from the staffing agency called me yesterday afternoon just to let me know that the firm hasn't made a decision yet, but I'm still in the running, and he's hoping to have their decision on Tuesday. I also sent off another resume yesterday for a position that sounds perfect -- legal assistant in my area of expertise, with a salary range that would be five to ten grand higher than I was making at my previous job. Hopefully I'll at least get an interview for that one.

I'm so bored. I've been trying to read, but the aforementioned wooziness and icky-feeling is making it difficult to concentrate on Balzac at the moment. There's not much shaking on the Yahoo board I post on. I'm burned out on the Food Network. Bike riding is out til I get over this bug. Maybe I'll go take a nap.

Books, Books, Books

Wino couldn't tag me for this Meme, since I try to keep my blog private, but since he pointed it out to me, I'm going to answer it, anyway.

A book that changed my life?:
A Question of Choice by Sarah Weddington.

A book I’ve read more than once:
I've read many books more than once, but two that I can think of off the top of my head are The Moonstone by Wilkie Collins and One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

A book I would take with me if I were stuck on a desert island:
That's a tough one. It would have to be something fairly long, captivating, and complex enough that repeated readings of it would always reveal something new. I guess I'd have to go with One Hundred Years of Solitude.

A book that made me laugh:
A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole -- without a doubt, the funniest thing I have ever read.

A book that made me cry:
My Sergei: A Love Story by Ekaterina Gordeeva. I kid you not -- I cried so hard that I actually burst a blood vessel in one of my eyes.

A book that I wish had been written:
How I Became Fabulously Wealthy by yours truly.

A book I wish had never been written:
I'm gonna go with Wino here and say the Qu'ran.

I'm currently reading:
I just started Lost Illusions by Honore de Balzac.

A book I've been meaning to read:
I'm currently working my way through a huge stack of books that I've been meaning to read, but a couple I haven't yet purchased are The Stone Angel by Margaret Laurence and The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky.

What turned me onto fiction?
I've been reading fiction since I was a child. I guess I'd have to say that my family, particularly my brother Steve, turned me on to reading in general, and Steve in particular turned me on to fiction.